


Not Alone

by suddenly_im_Mr_sex



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Slow Burn, Teacher-Student Relationship, Werewolves, ofc is 18 no underage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:27:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23790079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suddenly_im_Mr_sex/pseuds/suddenly_im_Mr_sex
Summary: Bitten by Greyback at a young age, you have graduated Muggle School and are attending extra tuition at Hogwarts. After meeting someone special in your last transformation, you start to worry about who you have fallen for.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Reader, Remus Lupin/You
Comments: 20
Kudos: 120





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this is my first HP fic after not reading the books in years. I've used some dialogue from The Prisoner of Azkaban where appropriate but please let me know if anything is OOC/doesn't mesh with the canon plot.
> 
> Please leave kudos or a comment if you enjoyed, spread the love. I should be updating every day or two!

You wake from a transformation much like anyone else would awake from a dream. Most times you would fling yourself forward in bed, your heart beating out of your chest, tears streaming down your face, often stinging the fresh wounds your own claws would have inflicted. 

You were sapped of all energy and could do little but fall back onto sweat-soaked sheets. But this wasn’t most times, you could almost convince yourself this was a dream, only for the tired ache in your bones and the calendar on your wall with the obnoxious red circle around ‘full moon’. 

You have travelled to distant places, seen sights others could scarcely imagine, you should be proud of that, maybe even lucky. But no matter where you were, you were alone. Except for last night.

You wanted to run last night, away from anyone you could hurt, away from the usual, just… away. The wind in your auburn fur felt liberating, only stopping when you could see the outline of a castle before you, a castle that you immediately recognised as Hogwarts.

As you scanned your surroundings, you were shocked as an unmistakable howl ripped through the dense trees behind you. It was distinctively werewolf, that overtone of primal pain and loneliness would never be lost on you.

Against better judgement you hurtled towards the noise, skittering to a half when you smelled him. It was like cinnamon and chocolate and something so warm, breathing it in was like wrapping yourself in the most comfortable blanket.

He must have noticed your presence too as he carefully made his way through the trees. He approached you, wary, like you were delicate, breakable, like you might run flee at any moment. You hadn’t felt like that for years, little did he know, you weren’t going anywhere. 

His warmth and sweet aroma washed over you in waves. You drank him in as he apparently did the same, mimicking your movements. As he moved closer, you could feel the warmth of his breath on the fur of your neck. He was scenting you, nuzzling at your neck, why weren’t you running? You had trained against these exact situations, but your paws felt heavy, glued in place. 

The two of you played together all night, wrestling and chasing each other, you had never felt such a sharp contrast of feeling so childlike and so basely dangerous, and yet so unequivocally charmed by your friend. 

You remembered little else, besides the chill through your body as you returned home. You panicked that you may never feel that warm again. As you lay in damp sheets, covered with thick, warm blankets, in your very own bedroom, you decided at once that you felt a long way from ‘home’. 

You usually felt relief among the ache of exhaustion in your bones, that it was the longest time until you would have to transform again. But this time the twinge of loneliness as the overwhelming likelihood hit you that you would probably never see the other wolf again. You had run far from home that night, so had he probably, maybe he would never return.

You wouldn’t forget that night however, it began to feel like you were just going through the motions, doing everything you had to do to hopefully lead to seeing him again.

Before this chance encounter, there was only one solace in your wolf form- the ability to roam, so much faster than you could have run, you were so fast now.  
R you thought, maybe that was the world’s sick joke on you, that you couldn’t run fast enough when Greyback chased you. That you were destined to live your life as the monster that till haunted your dreams.

Permanent reminders silvered as they healed. Before your parents had allowed you to roam the night, you had forced your parents to barricade you into their basement. You could have ripped the door clean off the hinges now with age, but at just thirteen you did most of the damage to yourself.

Or perhaps you would never have had to suffer if it weren’t for your love of adventure, of running to new vistas, soaking in the darkness and tranquillity. That was how Greyback had found you after all, you were no threat, just a happy coincidence in his dark, feral eyes. A delicious treat as he sunk yellowed fangs into the quivering muscle of your shoulder. 

You had never been able to thank whoever had healed you, but you had read enough to know that whomever they were, they had powdered silver and dittany on hand, and were likely a werewolf hunter. Or perhaps just a wizard as you had hoped to become. 

It had been five years since you had been turned, and despite your persistent complaint, you had continued to attend a Muggle school. You also had the experience of your father’s past as a former Defence Against the Dark Arts professor and Hogwarts alumnus. Your muggle mother however, insisted that you had already experienced more than enough of the ‘world of magic’.

She was growing tired of resisting your near-constant nagging, and your father had struck up a deal that all parties could agree on. You would graduate from your prestigious Muggle school and then join Hogwarts for a further two years of magical education.

Your father had been sneaking you wizarding textbooks since the bits and you were far more concerned about fitting in socially than intellectually. 

With Muggle graduation mere months ago, you packed your bags for your long awaited first trip to Hogwarts. Your father had assured you that Dumbledore and the Potions professor were aware of your condition, and that you would be brewed Wolfsbane potion to lessen the effects of your transformations throughout the year. You were grateful, even with your parents comfortable living situation, they could not afford the ingredients for such a potion.

You couldn’t deny the tears that stained your ruddy cheeks as you kissed your mother goodbye, taking your father’s hand and crossing onto Platform 9 ¾. 

“Got everything Starshine?” You nodded quickly; he had always called you Sunshine… but ever since the incident you welcomed the new nickname. He wasn’t an emotional man, but that was an acceptance, an understanding of what you had become, and you reveled in it. 

“Have fun.” He pulled you in to a one-armed hug and hurried you onto the Hogwarts Express.


	2. A New Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is meant to be a boring train journey becomes the birth of a new fear.

You bundled into the first unoccupied cabin you could see, realising too late that there was indeed a man hunched in the opposite corner, probably asleep… or very, very drunk. Oh well, you thought, at least he wouldn’t attempt small talk. You accepted the small mercy.

You lay your head against the train window, cold on your cheek and attempted to slip into the deep sleep of your fellow carriage occupant. This was short-lived however as three kids bounded into the carriage like over-excited puppies.   
They sat, regaling each other animatedly on stories of their holiday break.

“Do you suppose they’re really asleep?” A voice asked as the carriage door closed.  
You decided quickly you would rather not hear whatever secret these kids wanted to share.   
You definitely didn’t need to hear about some barely pubescent kid brag about getting to second base on Christmas Eve. It made you feel sick if you were honest, your stomach knotted further as you realised you were jealous. 

You hadn’t allowed yourself so much as a snog, what if the wolf inside took over? You had heard what passion could do to a werewolf no matter how well they normally composed themselves, or where they were on their cycle. It simply wasn’t worth it.

“Sorry… umm, I was just resting my eyes. I don’t mean to interrupt.” You managed, apologising to the group, which you reminded yourself, were just kids, and besides… you were sat here before they arrived. 

“No, I apologise! Our excitement probably woke you! I pride myself on knowing the faces of Hogwarts students, are you new?” Her young confidence was overwhelming, not to mention she was more eloquent than you had ever managed. 

“Uh yeah. I’m (YN), I’m coming into sixth year.”

“Oh cool!” Said the ginger boy beside her, his hair reminded you of yours without your precious brown hair dye. 

“My brothers are starting sixth year too; I’ll have to introduce you!” You were beginning to feel guilty for your estimations of these ‘kids’. Sure, they were that, but they were welcoming and well-spoken. ‘Don’t judge a book by it’s cover’ you were reminded by your Muggle education. 

You took in the faces of the young students, noticing one that startled you.

“Harry Potter.” You said almost accusatory, 

“Yeah that’s me.” He smiled shyly and you couldn’t help but smile back, if apologetically.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, I’m used to being recognised.”

“No. I’m sorry for…” you cut yourself off before you had the chance to upset the first possible friends you had met at your new school.

“Anyway, I’m Hermione Granger and this is Ronald Weasley.” She smiled, pointing at the ginger boy.

“Nice to meet you.” I nodded shyly,

“So? what brings you to Hogwarts so la…”

Hermione’s words halted in time with the train. The lights spluttered off and you could suddenly see your breath like the cigarettes you had snuck from your father when you were feeling particularly full of teenage angst. 

“There’s something moving out there.” The ginger boy stared out into the dark fog.

“I think something’s coming aboard.” A chill swept across the window, threatening to shatter the glass, the contents of the man’s water bottle instantly freezing.

“Bloody hell, what’s happening?”

With that, a dark cloaked figure covered the carriage door, skeletal hands splaying across the glass, pulling the door open and swooping in. You tried to look past its hood, you were freezing, unaware that you were crying as every happy memory disappeared and was replaced with the darkness the creature seemed to project as well as the sharp pain of the bite, the laugh and horrid breath of Greyback. A piercing scream rang in your ears until the darkness engulfed you entirely. 

You awoke, startled by Hermione and a stranger’s concerned eyes on your tired and shaking form. 

“Ah good, you’re awake! Between you and Mr Potter, you gave us quite the fright.”

The stranger mused a little too cheerily, offering you a bar of chocolate and gesturing towards a similarly disheveled-looking Harry. 

As you surveyed the carriage further, you saw Ron staring at Hermione and the sleeping man had disap… oh, that was the chocolate-carrying stranger. 

“What was that thing?” Harry whispered,

“It was a Dementor. One of the guards of Azkaban, it’s gone now. It was searching the train for Sirius Black."

“If you’ll excuse me I have to have a little word with the driver.” As he stood in the doorway, he smiled again, pointing to you and Harry,

“Eat, you’ll feel better.” 

You bit into the chocolate and despite the ever-present knot in your stomach, it did calm you slightly. It smelled familiar, but it wasn’t the chocolate your father used to bring home on his trips to Hogsmeade. You appreciated the gesture regardless.

You feigned sleep for the rest of the journey, head pressed against the window again, the images of the empty hood, the dark woods, Greyback’s bared teeth, your hopeless scream on a sickening loop.  
Was now too soon to realise you wanted to go home?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are sorted into your house and are within Dumbledore's speech you are instantly haunted by the images of the Dementors and the Professor who had saved you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is running late, I'm writing when I have time but perhaps 'every few days' was a little optimistic of me. I will continue to update ASAP but don't leave me if it takes a little longer than usual, trust I'm working on it!

You looked ridiculous, lined up with the first year and a few second or third years, waiting to be sorted into house. You were obviously years their senior and didn’t appreciate the extra attention. You could only pray to Merlin, even to the Muggle gods that you would be placed in Gryffindor house. That was your father’s house, and that of your only friends inside the castle. 

Usually family would inherit the same house, but you knew the power that the Sorting Hat possessed. As soon as you were called forward you felt hundreds of pairs of eyes on you, on your thin, pale frame, on your plentiful scars, you felt on the very edge of being sick.  
Your legs managed to carry you to the seat, and the sullen old hat was placed on your dark hair.

“You worry child.” It whispered, you deliberated as to whether or not it was posing a question,

“Why?” It continued,

“My father was a Gryffindor, I want to be one as well.”

“If it is your true wish, then a Gryffindor you shall be… but it may not be what is right for you.”

“What’s right for me?” you whispered, outraged and hurt in equal measures.

“You mean I should be a Slytherin because of what I never chose to be?” You were barely managing to stay quiet with so many watching one of the more private conversations of your life.

“Perhaps as a Slytherin you would learn that we are all made up of light and dark. You would do well to understand your darkest parts.”  
“No.”

“Very well.” It stayed silent for a moment, as if to be dramatic,  
“Gryffindor.” It bellowed and you held back the increasing urge to toss it into the overhanging chandelier. 

A smile broke across your face as Harry, Hermione and Ron cheered you over to the Gryffindor house table. Ron pointed across the table at two almost identical ginger boys not far from you. These must have been the brothers he had mentioned.

You nervously tapped one on the shoulder, causing them alarmingly both to turn in your direction,

“Hello there, Fred and George, at your service.” Fred signalled to himself and his brother.

“Hi.” You smiled nervously,

“I’m Y/N… I met Ron and his friends on the train, he said he would introduce us. I think we’re in the same year.” They smiled warmly, patting the empty seat beside George.

“Well you’re more than welcome to join us, looking like that, we’d have let you sit here if you were a Slytherin!” You laughed, blushingly slightly at the compliment, pushing the possibility that you could have been a Slytherin to the back of your mind.

“Bloody long chat you had with that crusty old git.” Your brow furrowed,

“The sorting hat… we haven’t seen it take that long to decide since Harry!”

“Oh yeah,” you smiled,

“We both had some sorting out to do.” 

You were introduced to a couple of the twins’ friends and it became easy to soak up the lighthearted conversation.  
Soon your appetite began to return, as the hall was filled with the most gourmet feast you had ever set eyes on. Angelina tapped you on the shoulder to look up at the lavish podium at which Professor Dumbledore was standing.

A hush fell over the room as he cleared his throat, you manged to listen partially while your eyes devoured the still-growing spread before you. 

“…First I’m pleased to welcome Professor RJ Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher. Good luck Professor.” The room applauded as the man from the train stood from his seat, hunched slightly as if to draw as little attention to himself as possible.

The Headmaster announced that dementors would be guarding Hogwarts until Sirius Black was caught. The idea they were not to penetrate the grounds was little comfort considering your earlier meeting. 

Dumbledore continued speaking and you applauded at the appropriate times, but you couldn’t help but hover over Professor Lupin inquisitively.

He was wearing the same shabby suit as he was wearing earlier, his sandy hair fell over his eyes, doing little to hide a prominent scar on his cheek. 

You were sympathetic, the next person to tell you that your scars made you unique and beautiful was going to cop an earful.  
You felt as though you owed him your life, but an awful twist in your gut suggested that wasn’t why you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. 

You picked at your food, listening while Angelina and Alicia talked about Quidditch with the twins. They tried to include you and you were grateful, but it was clear your mind was elsewhere. 

The night blurred between gawping at various sights throughout the castle, and the gold-flecked hazel eyes you saw every time you closed your own.  
The Gryffindor common room was classic but beautiful, lavishly adorned with red and gold. You retired to your bed early, if it was going to be three hours before you finally succumbed to sleep, you supposed you’d better make a start now.

Other girls offered for you to join in their conversations and games, you made your excuses and soon you were in your allocated bed. It was in the very corner, the darkest portion of the room, for some reason that made you laugh, as if the moon had a sense of humour. 

You closed your eyes and begged not to see either shape in your dreams, ‘don’t let me dream of dementors’ you chanted repeatedly, with the occasional, ‘oh Merlin, don’t let me dream of Professor Lupin’.


	4. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a near sleepless night, you begin lessons and Professor Lupin shows a side of himself you had not seen on the train.

Would you call it a victory if you didn’t dream about the most terrifying creature you had ever encountered, the very day you encountered it?  
Normally you would, you were sure you would wake screaming, horrifying your dorm mates. But while you hadn’t dreamed of those faceless terrors, you had awoken panting all the same.

Those golden eyes stared down at you, but you weren’t in the train headed to Hogwarts, you were in a bed, his, books strewn across the room. What room? What bed? This wasn’t your bed. It was covered with plump, fresh blankets, and you had room to roll over, no it definitely wasn’t yours. 

It became blatantly obvious whose bed you were in as his soft lips sucked lightly at your full bottom lip. Your fingers tightened in his unkempt hair as he deftly undid the buttons of your blouse, sending it and your Gryffindor tie across the room. You fisted your hands tighter as he left a bite on the junction of your neck and shoulder, it wasn’t nearly hard enough to break the skin, but you knew that wasn’t his intention, he wanted you attention, all one hundred percent, on him, ‘watch me’, his eyes screamed, and so you did. 

“How fond are you of this bra?” The Professor asked,

“Not particularly.” You barely finished answering before his teeth were in the fastenings between your breasts, pulling them apart, barely noticing as one of the metal clasps clattered to the wooden floor beside the bed. 

It added to the growing pile of clothing on the floor and seeming proud of his handiwork, he pressed a particularly harsh nip against your upper navel, it would mark, you hoped it would mark. 

Those golden orbs stared up at you, asking permission before removing your skirt and panties in one swift motion. Kneading one breast, he mouthed at your inner thigh, it almost tickled, a similar sensation, but left you shivering. 

His tongue led a decisive path towards your core, you didn’t know what you needed, but you knew you needed it now. He licked a stripe from your core to your clit, concentrating on the particularly sensitive bundle of nerves and sucking exquisitely until your hands gripped the bedding, he lifted his head. You looked up, panting.  
“You stopped?” You weren’t sure if it was a statement or a question,

“Well… you wouldn’t want all your friends to hear.” He gave you a sly, crooked smile, his lips still shining with your wetness.

“No, I suppose not.” 

And you were awake, panting, on the verge of tears, so fucking close to the edge, to an oblivion you had barely touched the edges of on your own. You reviewed your dream, wondering how you were supposed to face your Professor tomorrow in class.

“Missing your boyfriend?” A female voice giggled out of the darkness.

“Huh?” You played dumb, Alicia laughed, muffling it so not to wake the others. 

“Well you don’t sleep talk, but I know that kind of dream, I have them all the time when I’m away from my boyfriend. He’s a muggle and I barely see him, it’s particularly hard coming back after the holidays. You don’t have to tell me about him… or her, I just want you to know you’re not alone.”

You nodded, still catching your breath.   
“Thanks, but I don’t have a boyfriend.” Alicia smiled and you shook your head,

“Or a girlfriend… it wasn’t someone I’m in a… relationship with.” 

“Ooh! Even better, random sex dreams are awesome!” She was grinning and you toyed with telling her the protagonist of your dream,

“Yeah I suppose some are. Others are just plain weird.” She was openly giggling now.

“Go have a shower, you’re not going back to sleep anytime soon in that case.” You couldn’t face a shower, it would have to be cold to keep your urges at bay and there was nothing you hated more than a cold shower. 

“Yeah.” You slid out of bed in a pair of maroon silk pyjamas. You took a towel and body wash when you left the dorm room, leaving them at the door, and ventured out into unfamiliar territory with just the ‘lumos’ your father had taught you years ago. 

You padded down quiet corridors, the only sounds coming from disgruntled paintings you had shone your wand in front of. You whispered apologies and shuffled toward what you remembered was the library. 

Managing to enter without encountering any staff, you headed toward the Dark Creatures section, ‘right where you belong’ you thought. As if the universe thought to mock you, you stopped in front of a book, right at head height, ‘Lupine Lawlessness: Why Lycanthropes Don’t Deserve to Live’ by Professor Emerett Picardy. 

You stroked down the spine of the book, plucking it off the shelf and sliding to the floor with it. You wondered how you and Professor Picardy would have interacted, he hated werewolves, their viciousness, their unbiased hatred of all things- so did you. 

As the first rays of sun began to creep in, you tucked the book close and returned to your dormitory, thankful for your strong sense of smell directing you home. Picking up your shower supplies, you crept onto the blankets, pushing your supplies and your stolen book slide under the bed. 

With barely two hours sleep under your belt, you shuffled into the dining hall, not at all hungry knowing that your first class would be Defence Against the Dark Arts.   
You ate little to nothing, and your hunger and tiredness proved a difficult combination during your first class. You knew sixth year DADA was for students who achieved highly in their OWLs and you felt privileged to be among them, no one would question your ability. 

“This year’s classes will not be easy, and may take a mental and even physical toll on students who fail to concentrate. You will be learning about Dementors and Inferi and focusing on nonverbal spells and resisting the Unforgivable Curses.” 

Students looked at their friends in excitement, and some for encouragement. This was the one class you shared with Alicia, and she prodded you, maybe out of eagerness, or perhaps just to keep you awake. 

“You there, tell me the names of the three Unforgivable Curses, there may be house points in it for you.” Lupin pointed at a young witch in the first row, who easily rattled off the Imperius, the Cruciatus and of course, the Killing Curse. 

“Quite correct, that will be five points to Ravenclaw. I dearly hope that none of you ever come into contact with such spells, but as we know, there are dark powers in the wizarding world, and it is crucial that we know how to act accordingly.”

“On a lighter note, we will be studying the ability to cast nonverbal spells. While they are not stronger or more powerful when cast silently, it is… rather sexy.” Lupin smiled and winked from the front of the classroom, causing many students to laugh. You saw through what he was doing, he was trying to unnerve the less experienced students, but in his bid to put them at ease, he revealed a great deal of fear in his own eyes. 

“Today however, we will be revisiting Shield Charms as I believe Professor Lockhart’s teachings may have… left a little to be desired. Protego is a charm that protects the caster with an invisible shield that reflects spells and blocks physical entities. Conjurations may sometimes rebound directly off it back towards the ca… am I boring you Miss…” he waited for you to speak and you blushed bright red, 

“YLN.” A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, but he refused to give in,

“Am I boring you Miss YLN?” 

“No!” You instantly replied, 

“No Sir, I just didn’t get much sleep last night and…”

“You will see me after class Miss YLN.” He placed his hands back in his pockets and walked away from you, your heart beating twice its regular rhythm. 

“Where was I? Ah yes, in some cases a conjuration will ricochet off in other directions or dissipate as soon as they hit the shield. Alright pair up and attempt the protego charm with each other. If you are feeling particularly daring you may try to cast non-verbally.” 

Alicia huffed beside you,

“Merlin, I know Lockhart was useless but at least he wasn’t such a grump.” She whispered and you giggled, moving to a quiet part of the classroom.  
“It is also to be noted that some of the grumpiest teachers have the best hearing Miss Spinnet.” You watched as Alicia turned a dark shade of beetroot as the rest of the class turned to look at us. 

“Sorry Professor.” 

“You can redeem yourself by showing me your best nonverbal shield charm. We’ll see if you are as strong without your words.” 

You watched as Professor Lupin humiliated your friend as he taunted her, unable to achieve a nonverbal charm. 

“Professor! She’s exhausted, what are you trying to do to her?” Maybe it was the closeness of the full moon, but despite your tiredness he was seriously beginning to piss you off.

“Would you prefer to take her place Miss YLN?” You looked back at Alicia’s tired form, 

“Yes. I would.” You knew damn well you had only mastered the protego charm months ago, let alone non-verbally. Your father had told you to use emotion, like spells could propel the strength of your feelings, and you were seething. 

The class dissipated to the corners of the room, allowing you and Professor to take centre stage between rows of desks. 

You raised your wand, you felt like your mind was shouting, and yet nothing, then just the tiniest wisp of light, and nothing again.

“Well thank you Miss YLN, an enlightening nonverbal cast.” And then he was against his desk. The fury and embarrassment flowed through you, escaping from your wand, knocking him halfway across the room. 

You ran toward him, his eyes blinking open, dark, you backed off for a moment, afraid of a counter-curse. 

“Well done.” He shot you that lopsided smile and you threatened to melt. The rest of the class looked around cautiously, unable to read the tone,

“No seriously, give Miss YLN a round of applause. That was an incredibly powerful shield charm, without even mentioning that it was performed non-verbally.” The class applauded tentatively, Alicia even managing a few claps between laboured breaths. 

Class was soon dismissed and you regretted your late night trip to the library. You sat in your seat as your classmates filed out around you. Once you were alone you felt a flush creep through you, his eyes weren’t the golden of your dream, but the way he looked you over was similar and worse, now you were in trouble.

“Originally I was going to get you to write lines, the definitions and uses of the Shield Charm, you know? The ones you weren’t listening to…”

“I’m so…”

“But it appears you didn’t need to listen, what is the normal detention protocol at Hogwarts?” He smiled, nibbling at a piece of the Hogsmeade chocolate he had given you on the train. 

“I don’t know Professor, this is my first year at Hogwarts.” He stared at you as if he could see into your very soul, or whatever you had in there since Greyback. 

“I was just flung across my class by a first year?” The Professor grinned, chuckling.

“Uhh, I’m not brand new I just… I had to go to normal school first, I mean… not that this isn’t normal school, I just mean…”

“Am I scaring you, Miss YLN?” You shook your head, for fear your voice would betray you,

“Good. Then come here.” He signalled you closer and you felt every nerve ending light on fire, you were trapped in that dream again. You tried to physically shake it off as you walked purposefully toward him. 

You stood so that his desk kept a metre between you, 

“Who taught you?”

“My father. He used to teach… well, this.” The Professor nodded,

“I see. Perhaps you could teach me a few things.” You could think of a few things you’d like to teach him, with that smirk, pouting those pink lips, how dare he look this good.  
You managed to escape the clutches of your fantasies and he was bright red, suddenly unable to maintain to eye contact. You were sure you hadn’t said any of that out loud.

“What would you like me to do for detention Professor?” He stared at his desk, shaking his head,

“Leave.” 

“What? I thought you...”

“Get out Miss YLN. Now.” You grabbed at your notebook and wand and fled his classroom like you had fled the forest that night. Something was very wrong with your professor, and you weren’t sticking around to find out what.


	5. Realisation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You ready yourself for the first transformation at Hogwarts. You wonder if your wolf will join you again.

You stared stubbornly at the late afternoon sky, as if you could win a staring contest with the setting sun. Soon the full moon would take its place and you would face your first transformation at Hogwarts. 

You had taken your first Wolfsbane potion and were extremely grateful that you wouldn’t have to suffer quite the intolerable pain of the usual transformation. Still, you could drink whatever you liked, skin stretching, bones breaking and reassembling in new places, it would never be fun.

As your eyes drifted across the skyline, you thought back to the wolf you had come across last month. If you hadn’t seen him you would be concerned for your classmates, but it felt a little hypocritical to want to defend the school from the likes of a werewolf. 

It was difficult not to hold all of your hopes on him being in the same place, and you tried your best to entertain the idea of going somewhere else tonight, but you would always be there. 

You would roam that clearing all night waiting, and you would return the next month, and the month after that.

You had been excused from classes for the next two days, hoping the Wolfsbane would help you to recover more quickly. Whatever the case, you were glad you were allowed the small mercies, surely having your body rip itself to pieces once a month would at least merit a day off here and there. 

It would be foolish to attend dinner at the great hall, but you were hungry and there were few things worse than hunger when the wolf took hold. You stood in your place, your back against the solid bark of a century old willow tree, though not the whomping willow- you had been warned. 

A rumble tore through your stomach and you rolled your eyes, huffing a great breath and walking towards the castle, turning your back on the quickly setting sun.   
You made it to the kitchens quickly, you had decided to jog, forgetting to account for the fact you were already beginning to turn, not physically, you wouldn’t risk that, but in part. Your athletic ability was far greater than usual, as was your stamina, at any other time of the month you would have been doubled over with a stitch before you made it anywhere near the kitchen.

After being particularly polite to a pair of house elves, you were served up a rare steak with plenty of the trimmings being sent out to the great hall. You made yourself scarce, eating quickly in the back corner of the kitchen.

“Professor, how can I help you?” One of the house elves asked and you rolled your eyes. You had no view of the door to the kitchen, but you did not feel like being admonished by one of your teachers for being out of place. 

“Ah yes… I was wondering if you would be able to spare some leftovers from dinner for me. I’m afraid I can’t make it and I’m feeling rather peckish.” It was Lupin, you smiled listening to the exchange, wondering who was more polite. 

“Thank you very much Pinky, could I possibly have this here?” You dropped your head into your hands as you watched Pinky point at the corner you were hiding in. 

“Miss YLN! What has you hiding away from your friends on such a lovely evening?” You were half-tempted to tell him the truth just to shut his jolly mouth. 

“I’m not well, I’m off class for a few days. I didn’t want anyone else to get ill.” 

Lupin smiled sympathetically, 

“You do look tired.” His brow furrowed and then you were smiling,

“A lady loves to hear that, Professor.” He blushed,

“Of course, how rude of me.”

“So, what about you then? Why are you here on such a lovely evening?” You mocked his tone and he shot you a smirk with just a hint of something mischievous in it, like he knew a joke you weren’t in on.

“Would you believe me if I told you I was ill?” he chuckled darkly and you shivered, you could blame a fever, but you shook from arousal alone. 

“Do you want me to tell you how terribly tired you look Sir?” He let out a belly laugh. Now that you studied him properly, he did look tired, although you thought maybe he had always looked like that. The wrinkles around his eyes and forehead were charming, and the sprouting of greys from his temples was sexier than you cared to admit. 

“No, I think I’m well aware of that, thank you.” He smiled, looking at the ground now, he needn’t be self-deprecating, he was gorgeous. 

You made small talk as you finished your meals and went your separate ways, him to his office, you towards the Gryffindor common room, until he was out of sight.   
As he turned a corner to ascend the stairs, you turned around, jogging back towards the entrance to the castle. The full moon rose, barely a cloud to accompany it, it looked as lonely as you. The sky was bright, moonlight reflecting off the Black Lake in shimmering beauty. 

You supposed to a normal person such as Professor Lupin, it was a nice night. But you could feel your muscles begin to shift, stretching in familiar, not nice ways. You took a deep breath, shedding your clothes behind a particularly prominent tree and letting your transformation take over.

Appraising your form in the Black Lake you found it difficult to decide whether you hated what you saw. Your eyes were the same piercing green, but your fur was auburn, it was a shame you couldn’t dye werewolf fur really. 

You made your way towards the clearing, scolding yourself every time you picked up pace, trying to ready yourself for the likelihood of spending the night alone.   
When you finally arrived, you were alone, every snap of a twig, every flutter of an insect’s wings startled you, your head sharply turning towards every noise. The moon shone brighter over a small expanse of the forest floor, you looked at it like it was a dance floor. That was where you had lay after wrestling the larger wolf, you supposed wrestling was probably the closest thing to dancing a werewolf was capable of. 

You considered resting there, only your basest instincts reminded you how dangerous that was. As you considered the possible dangers of the forest, a warm breath caught your ear, and you turned instantly, knowing. Home. 

He nuzzled into your neck, scenting you once again, but friendlier, as if he wanted to be as close to you as possible. You responded in kind by tackling him to the ground, rolling onto the moonlit grass. His fur was an ash brown, with silver in patches, the moon shone off his lustrous fur and you dove on top of him again. His breathing was slow and deep, he licked your ear playfully and stared at you.

You didn’t know if it was the Wolfsbane but you felt seen, not as a wolf, as a woman. His eyes were big and brown, and he nuzzled at your neck again. You submitted, letting him crawl over you, licking at bits of fur sticking out at silly angles. He panted, giving what could almost be described as a grin as he licked a stripe over your nose, causing you to shake your head, pawing at him and growling playfully. 

It was a melancholy realisation when it dawned on you, you had never been happier. 

By the morning light you had made your way safely to your dormitory and into a deep sleep. Your classmates hurried out. You would have to remind yourself to thank them for at least attempting to get ready quietly. 

You dreamed of your wolf until suddenly you were cold. You subconsciously pulled your blankets closer, but the cold was closing in, you saw dementors circling your forest. You were very human, and falling to the ground under the moonlight, you covered your eyes and suddenly warmth flooded every nerve ending. Taking your hand away from your face he stood over you, your wolf, that shiny fur, that sweet smell, those golden eyes. 

‘Here eat this, it helps’ you heard and your wolf transformed in front of you, until only those same eyes remained, and you stared into the face of Professor Lupin.


	6. Try Harder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You confront Professor Lupin about the previous night's encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those who have given kudos, commented and bookmarked! It means a lot to me, especially writing for a new fandom. I am only getting the chance to write when my housemate is at work, which with the current conditions isn't very often. Trust, I will continue writing and uploading ASAP!

You awoke in a cold sweat, sheets moulded to your shaking form. The mantra of ‘it was only a dream’ did little to calm you as you realised how truthful your dream had been. You hated yourself for not seeing it sooner, his actions had mirrored yours leading up to the full moon.   
You had even eaten dinner together because you were both ‘sick’. Trust you to need your subconscious to realise you were dealing with the same sickness.

You weren’t due in class today, but you couldn’t stay in bed, not now, you were alone, but being alone with your thoughts was equally dangerous.

Deciding that you needed to find him, you sought out two of your favourite people in the castle, two boys who knew how to get into trouble without actually getting into any trouble.

“Fred, George, wait up a sec!” The boys turned and shot you twin charming smiles.

“You know how you said you could see where the teachers were when you went to Hogsmeade?” They nodded, smiles widening.

“Of course! Are you planning on making a trip?”

“No… not exactly, I just need to know where one of the professors is.” Fred continued to smile while George’s mind jumped to conclusions,

“You’re not going to try and… which Professor?” he changed the topic, the warning in your eyes had clearly done enough to stop him asking the wrong questions. You weren’t sure how convincingly you could lie about your intentions with the Professor.

“Professor Lupin.” George waggled his eyebrows,

“I definitely don’t want to know.”

The boys lead you down a dark hallway and into an empty classroom. George gestured at Fred to hand him a folded piece of parchment, and for a moment you were you were being had. 

“I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good.” George tapped the paper and it burst to life, ink spreading across it, names appearing with footprints marking where they were. You smiled, seeing your name and that of the Weasley twins exactly where you were standing.

“Here! He’s beside the black lake, this side of the Whomping Willow.” Fred pointed at the small label ‘Remus Lupin’. You suppressed another shiver as you remembered the fun you had had there the previous night. Surely he wasn’t still out there.

“I owe you, both of you!” You gave them both a kiss on the cheek and hurried out of the classroom and towards the main doors. 

You managed to keep to an up-pace walk, not wanting to draw attention to yourself, or wear your out. You hadn’t pushed yourself to more than a trip to the kitchen the day after a transformation before. You were sore and had never tested what your poor body could handle. 

“Professor.” Your voice was almost a whisper but you didn’t want to risk frightening the man. He was sitting against a tree, long legs splayed out in front of him, tossing small pieces of bark into the black lake, as if to taunt it.

“YN?” He called, startled.

“I know you said you were excused from classes today, but surely you should be resting up.” He didn’t stand but seemed genuinely surprised to see you. Was it possible that you knew something the Professor didn’t?

“I couldn’t rest, not after last night.” You pushed, moving closer, heartbeat pounding in your eyes.

“Oh, I see. You overslept.” He surmised and you quirked an eyebrow, his expression remained innocent and you sighed. Somehow your new knowledge seemed easier to deal with if you were alone in it.

“What about you Professor? I thought you were sick too?” you caught the flicker of a smirk before his eyes met yours,

“I had to get away from the castle. Cabin fever can make an animal out of anyone.” He mused and you felt blood rush to your most intimate part at the idea of Professor Lupin letting his animalistic tendencies take hold.

“Indeed Sir, I have been longing for a while to roam free.” He swallowed hard, you watched as he pushed the lump further down his long throat.  
A long pause sat between you, staring into each other as if to decide whether the other knew what you knew. He blinked first, worry knitting his brow as he looked to the forest floor,

“I didn’t know you dyed your hair.” He chuckled, risking a look upwards to your stained cheeks,

“I didn’t know you were a werewolf.” He was really laughing now, a hand brushed over his eyes,

“We’re not doing this.”

“I’m afraid we are Sir.”

“Don’t fucking call me Sir! Not after this!” You nearly tripped, staggering backward,

“I’m sorry. What do you want me to do?” You would have laughed at anyone else, ‘tough shit’ you would have told them,

“I want you to forget what I am, I want us to never have met. I want you gone!” Tears itched at your eyes, you let them spill as you considered him, wrapped up in a ball against the tree, almost rocking himself like a child.

“I can’t forget these past two months.” You admitted, tears cascading down your cheeks. You sat where you had stumbled, waiting for him to react, for an instruction.   
He stood gingerly, pushing off the tree trunk and walking closer, hands in pockets. He lowered himself to his knees before you, wiping a falling tear from your cheek with a calloused thumb.

“Try harder.” He whispered, and stood, stalking back toward the castle.


	7. Why Don't You Care?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You confront Professor Snape after learning that he had been teaching students about werewolves in Lupin's absence, when Snape gives you an idea of his intentions, you have to tell your Professor.

The month that followed broke your heart like you had never felt before. You had experienced crushes, sure, but this felt different. Without his humour you felt lost. Without his eyes fixed on yours you felt lonely. Without his care for you, you felt incomplete.

Before, you had felt unnoticed. Your crushing mediocrity kept his eyes from dwelling on you for too long. He made jokes to the class, delighting in your laughter as much as any other student. He watched your progress, inviting you to his office hours if you felt you were falling behind, ever the gentleman, but never to make you feel special. 

For the first time at Hogwarts, you were at office hours. Students filed out of the dungeon and you sat still, not even bothering to pretend to pack your things. 

When you were alone, he addressed you,

“Miss YLN.” 

“You’ve been teaching the third years about werewolves.” You accused,

“Very astute.” He grumbled in that dull monotone.

“Third years have always learned about werewolves Miss YLN. Maybe if you had attended Hogwarts from a younger age you would be aware of that.” You shook your head, feeling almost electric with rage,

“Don’t you dare insult my intelligence Professor Snape. I know the curriculum, I know it damn well enough to know they aren’t supposed to learn about werewolves until the end of the year, not on a full moon in the first semester, while their real teacher is indisposed, mind due!”

“Indisposed?” he stared into your eyes and you felt violated, he was almost smirking,

“That’s a fairly grandiose term for what Professor Lupin is doing.”

“And what’s that?” You refused to shift your eyes from his,

“So you would have me believe I am brewing a double dose of Wolfsbane just for you, would you?”

Your hands curled into fists and you stood, nearly snarling at him from the back of the room. 

“How dare you put me in this kind of danger!”

“It isn’t you that I’m concerned about.”  
_______________________________________________________________________________

You had spent the better part of five days debating whether to bring this to your professor’s attention. Surely, he had asked his students what they had been taught in his absence, and he would be well aware of Snape’s inappropriate lesson plans. 

The clincher came that evening as you sat between Fred and Ron, listening to Hermione rattle on about their essay homework. 

“It is quite far from our prepared work, surely Professor Snape has chosen to teach us about werewolves on purpose!” Hermione astutely pointed out. Luckily, Ron and Harry didn’t seem to care much, caught between other homework and Quidditch practice. 

“So what? Why would Snape care when we found out about werewolves?” Ron managed between mouthfuls of chicken.

“He’s not just teaching us early Ron, he’s teaching us how to identify one. He’s telling us there is one to find. Maybe with all the Dementors looking for Sirius Black, we’re missing another dangerous creature in our midst!”

You weren’t hungry anymore, you knew you were a dangerous creature, you didn’t need to be reminded. You sat silently, nodding when necessary until your fellow students were filing out of the Great Hall. 

You returned to your dormitory, pretending to read for approximately half an hour before returning to the passageways, your legs leading you to Professor Lupin’s office as fast as they could take you. 

“Snape’s been teaching third years about werewolves!” You near shouted as the Professor allowed you into his office, closing the heavy door behind you. 

“Yes. I am aware. Are you afraid for your safety Miss YLN?” You were taken aback,

“No, well I mean, I guess, but what about… you?” You were barely inside the office and he was still standing close, his hand having just left the doorknob. 

“I can assure you Miss YLN, I will be just fine.” He kept his face blank, completely absent of concern or even interest. You pushed him, your hand in the middle of his chest, he barely stepped backward,

“He wants you caught! He probably wants your job, maybe your life!” he shrugged and you saw red, pushing him again, he stumbled back against his desk,

“Why don’t you fucking care?” Not a flicker of emotion moved through him,

“You want to pretend to be oblivious huh?” he raised an eyebrow, 

“You want to get caught?”

“You want us dead?!” He grabbed your wrists with one hand, holding them above your head against the office door. He scented you and you almost smiled at how much he reminded you of your wolf. You tried to wriggle free but his grip was firm,

“I would never risk you coming to harm.” He whispered against your neck, goosepimples sprouting, scattering across your body, every hair on your neck standing to attention. 

“And what about you?” He laughed humourlessly,

“What about me? If he wanted to out me as a werewolf he would, he knows, I went to school with him.”

“Don’t you care about being caught?”

“If I can be so foolish as to develop feelings for a student, I deserve everything that comes my way.” He whispered, his nose trailing over the rise of your collarbone. He looked up, guilt heavy on his prematurely aged face. You wished you could cup it as he had done in the forest just over a month ago. 

“I’m eighteen. It’s okay, we’re okay.” For a moment you saw the guilt shift a little, you thought if you leaned forward to bridge the gap your arms might pop out of their sockets, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

You leaned into his lined face and he closed his eyes tight, diving in. He kissed you like you were the oasis in the hottest desert, his lips caressed yours, taking your lower lip between teeth and sucking. You caught his lip as he tried to do it again, you leaned as far into him as you could. 

You whined as he continued to hold your arms, but he moved closer, crowding you against the door. Your hips ground against his for mere moments before he stepped back, his impressive arousal obvious in his slacks. He removed his hand from your wrists like he had been electrocuted. 

“We can’t do this.” He continued moving backward until he was seated in his office chair.

“You have to know it by now, don’t you?” You whispered breathlessly, his eyes closed and he screwed up his face,

“What?” 

“That I’m your mate. You have to know, can’t you smell it? Have you felt that for anyone else?” He shook his head,

“I’m old enough to be your father. Look at you, I’m old and poor, and dangerous.”

“Even if I agreed with you… which for the record I don’t, it wouldn’t matter. I’m yours.” You could his heart beating hard in his chest, his mind racing, filing through every reason that he couldn’t let this happen, you had fought him on almost all of them, but it didn’t make this any less wrong.

You leaned in again, kissing him softly enough you hoped he would barely notice. He tilted his head up, his eyes were swimming with tears and you could almost taste the rustiness of his the blood pulsing fast through his jugular. 

“Go.” He growled, fighting every instinct he felt to kiss you, mark you, make you his. 

“Please.” You begged.

“Go. Now!” he clenched his fists and turned away, you fumbled for the door, hearing him let out a broken sob as you left. 

You made your way back to the dormitory, tears falling freely now. You didn’t care that you were being passed by students and teachers, it didn’t matter, nothing mattered if he didn’t want you.


	8. The Black Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sadness that enveloped you caused you to do something stupid, with an unexpected result.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long!! The next chapter should be along in the next day or two, promise!  
> Thank you so much to everyone who has left kudos and comments, it means the world to me and seeing that notification brightens up my day.  
> Next chapter psst... smut!

You moped around the school for weeks, you felt like a dementor, distancing yourself from friends because you knew that being in your presence would drain the happiness out of them.

Classes continued as normal and while your grades stayed stable, you felt your motivation dwindling, your concentration at the end of its tether. 

As with the previous month, you avoided the forest on the full moon. You ran further than usual, howling into the darkness, pining for your mate. You hoped he could hear you. Hoped he knew how deeply he had hurt you.

You felt sick and couldn’t face putting on the usual airs and graces in the grand hall. You shuffled out of the castle and into the endless green. 

The all-consuming darkness of the Black Lake felt particularly inviting, you shed your robes and underclothes, dipping your toes into the cold water clad in just your bra and panties. Nakedness was nothing out of the ordinary for you, you were naked when you transformed and as the wolf- which was when you had become to feel most comfortable.

The water rippled around you, the chilling bite making you almost forget your problems. You submerged yourself further, until you could think of nothing but the tingle of the icy water on your skin. 

You turned, looking back to your pile of clothes, you had waded out a lot further than you had intended, you shivered, wading back to the grass, remembering every dark creature rumoured to reside in the lake. 

As if they materialised when you thought of them, you felt a sharp tug on your ankle. You kidded yourself that perhaps you were just caught on a piece of seaweed until it pulled again. With barely enough time to take a breath, your lungs were filled with water as you were plunged beneath the surface. 

You couldn’t see your hand in front of your face, you were a strong swimmer but between the burn of water in your lungs and the insistent pull of whatever you were facing, you were quickly giving up.

Your arms stopped flailing, your feet stopped kicking, your heartbeat slowed and you were still sinking. Lower, lower, and then nothing.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“YN! Wake up! I need you to wake up!” His voice sounded so far away, you reached towards it in the darkness, fighting the vast nothingness, taking a laboured breath as you surfaced. 

Your eyes blinked open to the sight of Professor Lupin kneeling over you, his shirt and slacks completely drenched, his hair dripping water onto the grass beside you. 

“Oh Merlin, YN, can you hear me?” You nodded vigorously, coughing up water, his icy hands turned you almost completely onto your side as your coughs turned to hiccups, and tears joined the puddle that surrounded you. 

“We can’t apparate inside Hogwarts, I need you to try and stand for me.” His eyes were filled with undiluted care. He stood, handing you your clothes, you made it to your knees before slumping to the ground again. You couldn’t make your arms move to your t-shirt and you sobbed at how completely useless you felt.

“No, no. Don’t hurt yourself.” He wrapped his dry robes around you and picked you up almost effortlessly. He wasn’t overly muscular, but his arms held your weight easily as he started toward the castle. 

“What were you thinking, YN? You could have been killed!” You knew he didn’t mean to upset you, he was worried, that thought brought you the only sense of warmth you had felt in what felt like weeks. 

You rested your head against his chest, concentrating on the steadiness of his heartbeat. You wanted so much to fall asleep, but every time you were just on the edge, he would nudge you or call your name. 

You noted, while foggy around the edges, that you had arrived in the Hospital Wing. Madam Pomfrey rushed over, her hand felt scolding hot against your forehead.   
She asked Lupin seemingly endless questions as he lay you on a nearby bed. You were covered with blankets and soon you began to feel more human. Pulling the blankets closer, realising that your arms were now co-operating. 

“She’s just gone to get some equipment, I can’t tell her why I need to be here.”

“Why do you need to be here?” You croaked, and he appeared startled,

“I need to protect you, I need you to be okay.”

“Why?”

“You know why.”

“Say it anyway.”

“Because you’re mine.” You nodded,

“Yours.”

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“My lips are sealed.” Madam Pomfrey smiled, checking on you in the dead of night. You narrowed your eyes, half asleep and confused, of course she would have been informed of your… condition. She nodded at an uncomfortable looking seat in the corner a few metres from your bed. 

Remus sat, dozing, looking particularly adorable covered in the matron’s warmest blankets. His hair dishevelled and the peaceful look on his sleeping face took years from it. You had never seen something so precious. 

You opened your mouth to speak,

“Please dear, don’t deny it. I know the difference between professional concern and love. I wouldn’t want to explain it to Headmaster Dumbledore, but I do see it. That look you’re giving him right now I’ve watched him give you since you fell asleep.” You blushed brightly, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. 

A sharp thud turned your attention to Professor Lupin who had nearly fallen in his attempt to reach you as quickly as possible.

“Sorry, I saw you standing over her, I thought she had taken a turn. My mistake.” You giggled, reaching out to take his hand, he withdrew it and you laughed properly,

“Remus, calm down, Madam Pomfrey probably knew before we did.” He closed his eyes, breathing a sigh of relief before taking your hand in his, your fingers intertwined and for once, his eyes looked hopeful. 

“Your temperature has returned to normal, I would suggest the two of you make your way out before dawn.” He pulled back the covers for you, helping you to steady yourself,

“Come love, let’s get you to bed.”

“Look after her Professor.” She winked at you and you had to stifle a laugh,

“Thank you, Poppy.” 

“I can walk you to your dormitory if you would be more comfortable…”

“No, Remus please. I’m comfortable when I’m with you.” He smiled, leaning down to kiss your hair. 

“My living quarters aren’t much of a walk, but I would ask that I don’t have to carry you there.” You giggled and pushed him slightly, a similar grin painted his beautiful features.   
You walked in silence, but hand in hand until you arrived at his living quarters. 

“Come in, you’re welcome to jump straight in bed, cup of tea?” You shook your head. While he busied himself, you stripped to a t-shirt and your panties before sliding under the covers. The pillows smelled of him, if you had the choice you would never leave his bed.

He sipped his tea, hand in a pocket, watching you lying in his bed. Soon he was draining the last of the cup, and shedding his shirt, slipping off his shoes and socks in the meantime. You grinned as he joined you under the covers, having watched him leave his trousers on. They were wool and looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“Remus, I don’t expect you to sleep in the pants you probably have to teach in tomorrow.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Of course.” 

“Well in that case, I should warn you, it has been an embarrassing amount of time since I last shared a bed with a beautiful woman, so if anything were to…” 

“Pop up?” he stared at you disapprovingly, but with a hint of a smile,

“It’s okay Remus. I just want to be close to you.” He pulled back the covers a little to unbuckle his belt and shed his trousers, you were so tired, but you wanted to touch him so much. 

As he got comfortable again, he met your eyes, his thumb brushing your cheekbone, your eyes reflexively closing, only leaning in when you felt his warm breath against your lips.

“Yes.” The kiss deepened, tongues duelling for dominance, the low sounds coming from his throat making you feel suddenly warm all over. His hand traced from your knee to thigh, pulling it over him so that you were almost straddling him. 

As you continued to kiss, your hands fisted in his hair, you began to rock against him until you could feel the sizeable bulge, he pulled away, kissing your neck and scenting you, his teeth scraping against your neck, begging to find purchase.

You were beginning to whine uncontrollably as the pleasure took you over, 

“Do you need to cum YN?” 

“Yess… please.” You begged breathily, he huffed a laugh, moving a hand between your bodies, circling your most sensitive bud with skilled fingers,

“Cum for me, my good girl.” You muffled a moan into his pillow as you reached your peak,

“Let me…” you offered after a moment,

“Not tonight darling. I just want to hold you tonight. Go to sleep with you in my arms and know…” he was silent for a moment,

“You’re mine.” He whispered in your ear, punctuating it with a nip to your earlobe. He rolled you both over so he could spoon you. You did your best to ignore the hardness pressing against you ass.

“Good night Remus.” You turned just enough to look him in those golden orbs. 

“Good night love.”


	9. Permission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT. NOTHING BUT SMUT. SKIP OR ENJOY.
> 
> enjoy.

You awoke early, humid breaths feather-light against your neck, a glaring contrast to the hardness pressing against your lower back. You scarcely remembered sleeping as well as with arm curled protectively around your waist. 

“G’morning.” He mumbled into your ear, his voice an octave or two lower than you were used to. It suited him, and made every hair on the back of your neck stand to attention. 

“Morning.” You moved slightly, getting comfortable, you smiled as you felt his morning wood twitch against your backside. He groaned low and nipped at your collarbone,

“We have an hour before breakfast, if you felt like some early morning extra-curricular activity…”

“Is that what the kids are calling it these days?” You giggled, wriggling your ass against his hardness. His hand tightened around waist,

“Be careful my love, I can only hold back so much.” 

“Maybe I don’t want you to hold back.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, especially not for your first time.” 

“H-how did you…”

“I can smell it, so deeply hidden, no one else would ever guess it, but it’s unmistakable, your innocence.” You laughed,

“I am NOT innocent.” You shook your head,

“Mmm… not in so many ways, but like this. Lying in my bed, I can hear that your heartbeat just got faster. I can smell your nervous excitement. I can taste your desire from here.” 

You let out a shaky breath. You hadn’t decided whether or not you were going to tell him that you were a virgin, you were suddenly anxious that he already knew. 

“I want you.”

“I know.” He drew back the covers on his side of the bed, his knees dangling over the edge,

“So where are you going?” 

“For a shower. I do not want you thinking that this has to happen all at once, I will wait for you YN, as long as it takes.”

“But… I’m ready now.” He chuckled and sauntered into the adjoining bathroom, collecting underwear and his discarded suit on his way. 

He left the door open, the spray of the shower head was soon followed by steam drifting through the bedroom. You wished you could see him, you wondered if he was touching himself just feet from where you lay. 

You pulled back the rest of the covers and tiptoed across the floorboards, careful that you didn’t give yourself away.

His back was to you, his head under the spray, rivulets of steamy water flowed down his toned back and ass, you bit your lip with the headiness of it all.

“You know, it’s considered rude to stare YN.” You had focused so hard on not standing on a creaky floorboard that you had forgotten he could smell you, desire and all.

“I had a rather unpleasant dip in the Black Lake last night, I will be a few more minutes yet.” You realised then that he was testing you, he didn’t want you to say you were ready, he wanted you to show him.

You unhooked your bra and kicked off your panties, leaving them on the floor as you nervously moved towards the shower. Opening the door, you saw him fully, without the cloud of steam.

He was beautiful, all lean muscle and sharp angles, a dusting of hair on his chest and navel, leading a delightful trail to his sizeable manhood. You did your best not to stare, but you were new to this, and for a moment you doubted that you were truly ready. 

He turned to you,  
“Come.” He offered you his hand and you took it, stepping under the spray, and mere inches from his naked form. For a moment you just stood there, taking each other in, you felt self-conscious for half a second until you looked into his eyes, pure awe in his eyes. 

“Remus.” You whispered, he nodded, his thumb stroking your cheekbone, 

“Just because I’m nervous doesn’t mean I’m not ready. I want this, with you, only you.” His eyes closed as he brought his lips to yours. This wasn’t the fierce lust of previous kisses, this was love, pouring over your skin, lighting up every nerve ending. Kisses rained down your jawline, neck and collarbones, his hands roaming between your hips and the back of your neck, holding you against him. He nibbled at your earlobe before chuckling,

“I’m too old to be trying anything in a shower. Once you’ve gotten all of the Black Lake off that beautiful body, come back to bed.” With a final kiss to your clavicle, he stepped out of the shower, towelling off as he traipsed out of view. You felt fuzzy looking at the pile of clothes he had left on the counter, unneeded. 

You hurried to wash yourself, leaving the bathroom in just the fluffy white towel he had left behind. He lay comfortably atop the covers, one hand behind his head, smiling as you came into view. 

“How lucky am I that I get to be your first…”

“Almost as lucky as I am if I’m your last.” Merlin that was corny, if you heard that in a movie you would’ve made gagging noises and thrown popcorn at the screen. But here, staring into those big golden eyes, you couldn’t bare not to say it. 

“Come lay down, love.” He patted the soft bedding and you crawled to take your place at his side. The towel lay discarded on the floor as he eyed you again.   
You lay on your back, staring at him as he leaned over, resting a knee between your thighs, kissing you gently before continuing the trail he had begun in the shower. Past your neck, over your collarbone, he looked up in silent permission before letting his tongue swipe over your nipple, hardening as he repeated the movement. 

His other hand caressed your other breast, his thumb brushing over the peak. As your hips begun to rise in time with his movements, he continued the journey lower, butterfly kisses spreading down your stomach, past your navel, his teeth grazed over a hipbone and you nodded as he asked again for your approval. 

He tasted you like a man starved, he took his time, but every lick, every nip felt steeped in desperate need. As he picked up speed, lapping at your clit, he made eye contact with you, you could barely keep your eyes open the pleasure was so immense. The fire he had lit deep in your belly was reaching its peak quickly and you bunched your hand in his hair like it was anchoring you to the Earth. 

“Mine.” He whispered through gritted teeth as you came. 

“Yours.” You nodded, a finger circling your entrance. 

“Promise me you’ll tell me if this gets too much.” You nodded again,

“Promise me.”

“I promise.” He licked around the oversensitive bundle of nerves as his finger slipped inside. He watched you intently as he worked another finger into your wet heat, curling upward to hit your most sensitive spot. You tensed and his eyebrows knitted in worry,

“Don’t stop. Please. There.” He was grinning, delighting himself with the task at hand.

“Please… Remus. I need you.” His eyes were blown with lust. He moved so that your legs fell around him, he reached over to a drawer beside the bed pulling out a bottle of lotion.

He slicked himself, whispering a charm you’d never heard, obviously for contraception and lined himself up at your entrance. You gave him one last nod before he pressed inside, groaning as your body gripped him tight. 

After a little discomfort he seated himself inside, you smiled, allowing him to move. The rhythm he set was slow and delicious. The friction oh so sweet as he rocked against you. Neither of you lasted long, you had never felt this good and he had been without for a long while. You lay in his arms afterwards, your breath evening out.

“Mine.” He growled, nipping at your neck,

“All mine.”


End file.
